When Life Kills…

Water… what picture does that word create in front of your eyes? It’s such a harmless word… water… and ninety-nine times in a hundred we get a cool, refreshing feeling… even quiet and contented. Water is called ‘Jeevan’ in Sanskrit or Marathi. Jeevan also means Life… such a beautiful interpretation.

And today when it rained… the first rains of the year, I glided into the arms of the beautiful but unreal lady called Nostalgia. I raked up a few pages of my old diary and found a page that I thought I must reproduce here. Written four and a half years ago.

January 04, 2005 12:48 PM

There is a terrible cloud of gloom – one on the outside, and one within me. My emotional state has improved since the 31st December and yet I am feeling disturbed.
We had already decided to meet at Ram and Udaya’s place on the 31st. On the 26th the Tsunami wave hit the shores of multiple countries. I read the news on the internet and knew at once that this was perhaps the biggest tragedy of the millennium.
On the 31st as I was driving towards Ram and Udaya’s place, I felt a pang of guilt. What was I doing? Why was I even thinking of a celebration with such a big tragedy hitting mankind? I have never felt so helpless. What was this compulsion of meeting friends on the eve of the New Year? As we arrived at Ram and Udaya’s place, the mood there too was sombre. The conversation for the first part of the evening hovered on the cruelties of Nature and the Tsunami. I was lost in my own thoughts for most of the time. Is it because we are cruel to Nature that it sometimes lashes back at us? Is it Nature’s way of telling mankind that it has had enough of our atrocities? But then does not it distinguish between the guilty and the innocent.
Then a session of music followed. But I was somehow uncomfortable singing cheerful songs. So when everybody got up for dinner, I went to the other room. I desperately wanted to pen my feelings, perhaps in form of an essay or a diary entry. But when I sat alone for some time, it slowly came to me in music and lyrics. And this is what I wrote.

ऐसा तेरा करम हुआ कि साहिल सारे बहने लगे
सदियों से जो चुप थे नज़ारे अपनी बात कहने लगे

सूनी आँखें, सूखी पलकें, लेकिन पानी चारों ओर
जीवन से जो बाँधे रख्खे ऐसी बची न कोई डोर
ऐसा मचला बरसा पानी
ख़ून का प्यासा तरसा पानी
पानी, पानी, इतना पानी, जिसमें इन्साँ जलने लगे
मिट्टी के पुतले भी क्या हैं, पत्थर भी पिघलने लगे

The next day I told Suchi that we must do whatever was in our power for the Tsunami victims. I sought out the government website that was accepting the online donations for the Tsunami victims. The strange thing was that the payment gateway was so flooded (a tragicomic word under the circumstances) that our payment wouldn’t be processed until yesterday.
It was a wake-up call for me, I think. One should not kill optimism. So far my song was incomplete because I had only spelled the magnitude of the tragedy. There were millions of hands of help that rose simultaneously. It reminded me of the line in SOUND OF MUSIC. “If God closes all the doors, he opens a window somewhere!”
After Suchi and Anurag went to sleep, I sat on the computer hoping to write this diary entry. What followed however was the remainder of my song –

एक ही गीला पल था कोई जिसमें सदियाँ गुज़र गईं
एक ही ऐसी लहर उठी और सारी दुनिया बिखर गई
किसकी सज़ा है? किसका सिला है
जो तेरे बन्दों को मिला है
तिनका तिनका जोड़ के फिर ये बिखरे घर सिमटने लगे
हाथ हज़ारों आगे बढे तो ज़ख़्मों के निशाँ भी मिटने लगे

एक ही जज़्बा दुख से बड़ा है और वो अपनी आशा है
सूखे नैनों के कोनों में उम्मीदों की भाषा है
धरती फटे या अंबर टूटे हम फिर से उभर कर आएँगे
सागर चाहे बंधन तोड़े हम सब से तर जाएँगे
हम फिर उभरकर आएँगे
हम फिर उभरकर आएँगे

The lyrics came with the music. After a long time, I felt that this was a song that came from my own heart. I have to record this. It means spending all that I earned in the Mumbai Festival song. But I think this song is the necessity of my soul. I must talk to Sameer about it tomorrow itself. If anybody can do justice to this song, it is he. I am feeling sleepy now… and rather excited at the same time. It’s a strange feeling.

Song Credits:
Lyrics & Music – Kaushal S. Inamdar
Arrangements – Sameer Mhatre
Backing Vocals – Suzanne D’Mello and Rishikesh Kamerkar
Recorded & Mixed by – Chinmay Harshe, Swarlata Studio


  1. Aparna says:

    I have this song already Kaushal, and it will be great if it reaches more people too in form of another recording. Its not only the rain which remind me of Tsunami, but every calamity of nature reminds it – that nature will strike back for whatever ecological disturbance we create as humans

  2. Atul says:

    Namaskaar Kaushalji, very nice song!! It depicted very clearly the disturbing feeling that you had from within. Also, the last stanza of hope is awesome! The ray of hope is so very well established through the music for that stanza. I was amazed when drums came into picture especially after the slow rhythm in the initial part of the song. I also feel this song should reach more people.

  3. Wonderful Kaushal!! Very meaningful lyrics and appropriate music to get utmost expression. Every one has different way of expressing their feelings, music and writing is your forte, that is your therapeutic expression!


  4. Anonymous says:

    thought provoking…it has your stamp of brilliance kaushal…sammeer arora

  5. Shuaeb says:

    On grounds of sheer poetry, the 1st half is awesome, insightful and very lucid…. it hits home. Pardon my critique but the second half seemed cliched…. commercial hindi-filmish (if I may say so). Knowing you, I believe you are capable of far greater work. But, full marks for courage of conviction and sincerity. Keep it up buddy!

  6. Prachi says:

    Namaskaar kaushal…your words, the’re sheer beautiful. I was about to cry when i heard this song. song is full of genuine feelings with a ray of hope. Liked it very much. You are a brilliant wordsmith…keep it up.

  7. hamsika says:

    Hi Kaushal..
    I know how close this song is to you.. and by now to others too ( those who hv already heard it )….. I will be the happiest if it reaches out to as many people as possible.. because its a very honest and intense expression of Reality.. Extremely Soulful creation.. one of your best i can say : )

  8. Vinod says:

    this song showed me the feelings of those people who were victims of Tsunami. shabda, sangeet , sangeet sanyojan, aani mukhya mhanje “AAWAJ” saglach julun aalay. khup lokaani he aikale pahije. i liked it.

  9. omkar says:

    Namaskar Kaushal,
    Tsunami mule tumchya manat umatlele bhav ani sangeet yanchi surekh sangad !

  10. bhagyashree says:

    helo kaushal,
    in within all these years together, i can feel the complete but restless artist in you..which catches discripancies in the surroundings..gets hurt,it pours, cries, weeps inside..but doesnt get helpless even hurt, but not defeated, destructed..thus, cration made out of it is soulful like this song..very intimate, touchy.

  11. jaywant says:

    kya bat hai Kaushal. realy its great attempt.you always try to give sensible thought.music and lyrics have been composed togethere enough to touch at bottom of my heart.

  12. Anonymous says:

    Very much touching words as well as composing. it should reach globally best luck

  13. aruna says:

    i hope u remember me. i was at your concert of Zenduchi phule at Pathfinder pune, and took your autograph on your CD.
    since then i have been following your blog and your music.
    congratulations . You have done very well indeed..
    All my dood wishes for your further success.
    i have recorded some of your songs on my mobile. i can share them with you if you want to.though the recoding is not perfect.

  14. aruna says:

    I have been following your blog and music. i was at your concert at Pathfinder, pune where you presented Zenduchi Phule . It was an experience i can never forget. wish there were more such presentations.
    I have recorded some of those songs on my mobile. it not an ideal recording but if you want i can share it with you.
    All my good wishes for your future success.

  15. @ Aruna… I should very much like that!

  16. vasu says:

    Very good blog post.I must say,that I will come back again to read your other blog posts.

    Thanks once again for your comments. I am overwhelmed !

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